Fic: Thylacine

[ladytauriel]

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Fandom: Star Trek Real Person Fanfiction
Pairing: Pinto (Chris Pine/Zachary Quinto)
Word Count: 3,883
Summary: Zach and Chris, nearing their nine months anniversary, hit a road block when Zach decides to have lunch with an admirer. Their relationship is tested as they face their insecurities along the way.
Author's Notes: This is based completely on the short film Thylacine. The title, the summary, and all of the dialogue is hogged from the short film.

Thanks to Liz for beta-ing my fics constantly!

Their shared flat smelled of coffee, still lingering from when it was made several hours ago. Bright Californian sunlight began to seep through cracks in the curtain that shaded the window that separated Zach and Chris from the rest of the world. Chris lied in bed, holding onto Zach's arms, which were wrapped around him in the aftermath of fantastic morning sex and both of their blissful orgasms. It had started as a wordless apology on Zach's part, for going to dinner yesterday evening with another guy, who had been chasing Zach all around LA for the past few weeks. His name Chris didn't know. There had been too many men for Chris to remember all of their names and faces. Now he was just tired of having to reluctantly accept apology sex from Zach, too guilty to decline. What was an apology, if Zach wouldn't change his actions?

"This doesn't sound like a friendship, Zach," he murmured into the pillows with a sigh. It was a conversation they had many times before, and not only in the early hours of the morning, when Chris was still groggy and weak-limbed from being fucked into the mattress like there was no tomorrow.

"Hey, when are you going to learn to trust me?" Zach asked, pulling slightly away from where he was draped over Chris back to lean over him and meet his eye.

"I do," Chris attempted to say assuringly, "I do, it's just-"

"Join me in the shower," Zach interrupted as he pulled away from Chris, pushing the covers down to climb out of bed. Chris tried to pull the covers up again, but Zach slapped his ass before he got that chance, making Chris huff with laughter.

"Alright," Chris said, without any intention of getting up anytime soon. He was probably going to fall asleep halfway through Zach's shower, have an early lunch, and go linger around the library until Zach picked him up to go for a stroll in the outskirts of the Hollywood beach.

"Three o'clock," Zach called from the bathroom, just as Chris was burying his face back into the pillows. "Don't be late."

~

"Where were you?" Karl asked as soon as Chris strolled into the main hall of the library closest to his Hollywood flat, at a quarter till three. They'd been called for filming quite early for Into Darkness. Chris spent the free time he had before the cast is officially called on set for a reunion with the whole crew enjoying relaxation in Los Angeles without attracting attention of prying eyes. Yeah, Zach and Chris had met up with Karl, Zoë, John, and Anton for drinks half a week ago, when all of them had arrived, but that was unofficial. Unofficial, yet an enormous step for Zach and Chris . They had kept their relationship on the down low for the past nine months, and had just revealed it to their closest friends. Zach was already out, but Chris wasn't. In a few weeks, when filming would begin and the commotion in Hollywood would start, things like that would change.

"He ruins everything," Chris groaned, flopping soundly onto the couch next to Karl. Actually, he'd already been in the library for the first forty five minutes, reading up about the extinction of thylacine tigers. Environmentalism hadn't always been his thing; he prided himself as an English Major-turned-actor in front of Zach by flaunting his literary talents through intense vocabulary games and impromptu book readings combined with dinner night that Chris occasionally pulled. Now, however, with nothing better to do, Chris spent his free time reading about whatever suited his fancy. Recently his anger towards extinction and endangerment of species had pulled him to read about tigers. Zach might appreciate him sharing later.

"What now?" Karl asked, throwing his hands up in desperation.

"What if we're just not compatible?" Chris mused, more to himself. He was really in the mood for reading a monologue with Karl as his sole audience member.

"God, Chris, you always do this," Karl growled.

"What if he just can't get himself to fall in love with anyone?" Chris continued, as if Karl hadn’t even spoken. "I don't know. I really don't."

Even before they came to Hollywood, Zach had done this. Six months into their long distance relationship, Zach had unexpectedly flown in one night from New York without absolutely any warning, practically waltzing into Chris’ seaside mansion to declare his undying love for him. Zach had asked Chris if he would move in with him in New York. Chris had declined vigorously and declared that Zach would be the one to move in with him. However, even before that, Zach had done it. Had gone out to lunch with different men, claiming that it wasn't important, wasn't serious, was just nothing. Obviously, nothing serious actually was happening. Lunch dates were all they were, which is why Chris had tried for so long to tell himself that he was continuously being an hypersensitive idiot. He would come to New York at the blossoming stages of their relationship, or Zach would visit him in LA, and nameless faces would show up all over the place: in coffee shops, in bookstores, by their Zach's flat or Chris' mansion. A little harmless flirting here and there. Yes, it always bothered Chris, but he didn't say anything, neither to Zach nor to any of their friends. Until he just couldn't not say anything anymore.

"Why do you constant rape your life with perpetual analysis, Chris?" Karl insisted. "You always do this to yourself. It's insufferable."

"He's so beautiful," Chris went on, letting his head fall onto the back of the couch that they were sitting on. "Honestly, Karl, he's so beautiful. Mystifying, I can't even explain it."

It's was all true, and that was the worst part. If only Zach were some expendable one night stand that ended up getting tied up with Chris in a lame excuse of a relationship. Not that that had happened often in Chris' life: Chris was terrible at one night stands, which he figured out quickly enough after first experimenting with the same-sex attraction portion of his bisexuality a few years ago. Zach wasn't just any guy he could fuck at a bar without ever revealing his identity. Zach was the person he had fallen for, hard, during last shooting on one not unusual night of drinking coffee in Chris' Hollywood flat. They had this thing they did each week, where they would compare short stories by classical authors, which they found the most moving, informative, entertaining, whatever. It somehow started when Zach had challenged Chris' appreciation for Charles Dickens, just to see him flustered and spluttering in indignation at Zach's taste in literature. It was on such a night that Zach had brought in the all-time favourite, Edgar Allan Poe's "The Tell-Tale Heart" and said that if he were ever as obsessed with someone's heartbeat as the poor man, it would be because of fierce, passionate sex, not becoming insane after murdering. Chris couldn't even begin to imagine why, but that had just made him realize that wow, yeah, he might just be head over heels in love with this guy.

"Okay, now I'm going to vomit," Karl commented.

"Why do I always get myself into this?"

"No, just give it time," Karl insisted as usual. Karl was the only person in the cast besides them, to whom Chris told about their relationship before their unofficial reunion. He, strangely, had a strong faith in their relationship. "Your anxiety gives me diarrhea."

"You're diarrhea," Chris answered lamely.

"Seriously?" Karl snorted. He was perfectly aware of the good comebacks that Chris managed every once in a while.

Chris couldn't respond, however, because in that moment, strong comforting arms looped over his neck from behind him, enveloping his chest in a tight hug, and a sloppy kiss was smooched onto his cheek without any semblance of finesse. Chris' heart jackrabbited in his chest, before his mind had the opportunity to catch up and tell him that it was Zach.

"Ready, babe?" Zach murmured into Chris' hair.

"You're literally gonna give me a heart attack," Chris told him with a sigh, closing his eyes.

"'Sup, loser," Zach said to Karl, lifting his nose from where it was buried in a tuft of Chris' hair.

"Hey, princess," Karl responded sourly. "Hit puberty yet?"

Chris snorted, standing up and letting Zach tug him by the hand in the direction of the library's exit. "I'll call you later."

~

They walked along a beach that leaned on the less populated side of Hollywood. The waves crashed against the shore, their strength increased by the unusually fierce wind, which pushed Zach's bangs into his eyes and caused him to work to straighten it relentlessly. The sky was a rather dimmer grey to complement the wind.

"So, what'd you learn today, Einstein?" Zach asked, taking Chris' hand as they walked with bare feet digging into warmed sand, sandals forgotten on the other side of the beach.

"That humans are fucking idiots," Chris said, no bite in his voice.

"That's what you learned, hmm?" Zach teased.

"No, get this," Chris began. "We've actually fucked others to extinction the last hundreds of years."

"Oh? Uh, did they at least make a video? That'd be pretty hot to jack off to."

"Honestly, Zach," Chris said, ignoring him, "we've hunted down the thylacine tiger, because it was attacking chickens or sheep, or whatever lame ass excuse they put in journals."

"Yeah, we're not far behind," Zach muttered, almost too low for Chris to hear.

It was a rather strange response; to the casual listener, it would be inexplicable, as ignorant as the jacking off joke that Zach just made. However, Chris was sure that he knows what Zach was talking about, and simply that felt like five hundred weight were tied around his heart and were tugging it lower and lower. He was talking about them, their relationship, and how it was slowly dwindling into something forced and strained. Zach could feel it, too, then. In a way, it was comforting, because it showed that Chris wasn't just hallucinating the issues of Zach seeking attention from other men, or just being a crybaby.

"You excited for tomorrow?" Chris asked, biting his lower lip to hide his grin and leaning into what Zach liked to call his "personal bubble". Chris always unhealthily preferred changing the subject to actually dealing with the never ending problems of their relationships.

"Of course," Zach said, his eyes shining as they bore into Chris'. "I still can't believe we've been together for nine months. It's gonna be so special."

"It's always special," Chris said cheekily, nudging Zach's shoulder with his. He wanted to keep the smile on his face. It was hard, when the weight of their conflicts was overshadowing what was supposed to be a romantic nine-month anniversary.

Zach stayed quiet, too, as if he were running through the same things in his head as Chris was. He looked around, a hand creeping up to palm at the back of his neck, which Chris recognised as what Zach did when faced with extreme awkwardness. Finally, his eyes fixed on something over Chris' left shoulder, and his face lit up with a smile.

"Oh, a ledge!" he exclaimed, clambering up from where they were sitting and getting on his feet. He walked the short distance across the sand to the ledge.

"Oh no, not now," Chris groaned, his head dropping to hide his huge grin. He didn't need to, because Zach's back was to him, but it was like he didn't want anyone in the universe to know that the game Zach played on the ledge was actually the most adorable thing ever.

“Gosh, you’re such a child.”

"You love it," Zach said, without even turning around. It was probably just useless for Chris to hide his grins from Zach by now. He always knew when they were there.

Zach climbed up on the ledge, offering Chris his hand to pull the latter up with him. He backed away, putting some distance between them, for Chris to he be able to make his way closer and closer with every step, into Zach's arms with every correct fact that Zach would say about him.

"Your favourite show is True Blood, because of soft core porn, and you’re a whore who will never admit it," Zach said, opening his arms wide and flicking up an eyebrow.

“Guilty,” Chris confessed, swaying closer.

“You hate it when I boy-scout on set, because you think that I'm gonna run off with someone to hang out with that's not you." Zach said seriously.

"What you do around them when you're 'hanging out' is inappropriate," Chris reiterated once again, backing away a few inches.

"You hate it because of what that stuntman did to you, huh?" Zach asked.

The stunt man had been something before Chris started going out with Zach, since it was during the shooting of Star Trek, but Zach had been there to rub Chris' shoulders, whisper in Chris' ear as Chris sat on the pavement in shock after having knocked out the stunt man with one punch to his jaw.. Chris had honestly only wanted to be acquaintances with the man, but after he rejected him, the situation came close to attempted assault. When Zach went out with random guys with whom he claimed friendship, Chris could only imagine with a gripping, cold fear what they could be able to do to get their way with Zach.

"It's inappropriate, Zach," Chris repeated roughly. Zach did not look unkind, but his level understanding and air of perpetual superiority angered Chris.

"I'm the best sex you've ever had?" Zach tried again. When Chris stalled, he said, "You were floored by the moment you saw me."

Chris offered Zach a small smile, before jumping off of the ledge. He walked up to Zach, looking up at him and seeing his eyes speak the volumes that neither of them could ever say out loud. Chris remembered the first day he met with the rest of the cast to do a read through, and how the pounding of the butterflies in his whole chest and stomach were distracting him from getting into character.

"I almost threw up," Chris said honestly, offering Zach his arm for him to jump down. "That's how sexy you were."

~

The next day, Chris had left the library early, to pick Zach up from the diner, at which he spent his afternoons serving until the beginning of shooting. He hadn't told Zach, wishing it to be a surprise dinner for their anniversary. He had a bottle of wine with him, already, and he really didn't think he could have waited until both of them came home to celebrate today.

When Chris exited his car, though, he saw Zach walk out of the diner with a shorter and lighter-haired man in tow. They walked with a relative distance between them, and no touching was involved. Chris wasn't expecting any, really, but just the mere fact that Zach was once again having lunch with another man before their planned private, romantic dinner made him so, so tired. He didn't even have the energy to be angry at Zach for it anymore. Caring about it obviously burdened Chris and Zach both, so he decided that it was time that he just let it - and with it, Zach - go.

The thought of having to give Zach up, if for at least self-preservation, brought genuine tears to Chris eyes. He had practically loved Zach since the moment he greeted Chris with a wide smile, a "hey", and a bear hug, and he knew that ultimately, Chris could forgive him for anything. Any “just friends”, any reluctance to understand Chris’ concern about their relationship. He knew he could just let it all go if he tried. But he couldn't degrade himself to the extent of almost being someone's mistress any longer, not even for Zach.

When he got to their flat, he had to wipe at his eyes and calm himself to appear presentable.

"Hey, you," Zach said cheerfully, walking into the living room with only a towel hanging low around his hips, tempting Chris with the mouthwatering tan of his skin, the lines of his muscles, and the trail of soft black hair, making its way down into the towel. "I'm almost ready. Just let me clear this filthy body off for you."

"Let's not take a bath about it," Chris responded bitterly. “As if I’m worth your shower time.”

"Oo, attitude," Zach commented, raising an eyebrow, letting himself lean against the wall on one shoulder. "You alright?"

"What did you do today?"

Zach paused for a moment. "What do you mean?"

"Were you here all day?"

"No," Zach said carefully, "I had lunch with Pete."

"Eager Peter?" Chris asked in disbelief. Peter was part of the tech crew on set, who had chased Zach around with offers of having lunch with him since the beginning of the shooting of Star Trek.

"Yeah," Zach responded incredulously, eyes wide. "Why are you using that tone?"

"Why did you go for lunch with him?" Chris asked, his voice rising automatically, despite his plan on just dropping the matter altogether. He just couldn't believe that Zach didn't seem what the problem was here at all.

"Chris, you know he's been begging for lunch for months, so I figured I'd just, you know, humour him. See what it's all about."

"See what it's all about," Chris repeated, swirling the words around on his tongue and despising thee taste. "You know what it's about, Zach. Are you kidding me with this?"

"Nothing happened, babe," Zach said, quickly approaching Chris and gripping his shoulder. "It was a casual thing. I was actually bored for the most of it."

"Well, I'm so sorry he wasn't entertaining enough for you," Chris shot at him, shrugging of Zach's hand.

"Would you stop being so sensitive?" Zach snapped, his eyebrows furrowing in frustration.

"I'm not being sensitive, Zach," Chris said exasperatedly, whirling around to face him fully and waving his hands around in violent motions to try to make some sort of gesture to just make Zach realize why Chris was upset. "Do you really not see where I'm coming from?"

"I do," Zach said immediately, as if he had just missed everything that Chris had said. Chris fixed him with a disbelieving look. "I do! I d- I just-"

"There's no 'just' or 'but', Zach," Chris affirmed. "I'm sick of your bullshit. You know, I get it. I get all of it. Why you do what you do, why you constantly want to be validated by men."

"Validated?" Zach asked quietly, pausing in his own fuming.

"Don't test me, Zach," Chris warned, beginning to pace the room. "I may be sensitive, but I'm not an idiot. You know what happened with my father and the men it took to get over it. It's like a modern fucking gay pandemic."

It had indeed been a modern fucking gay pandemic for Chris. He hadn't come out as bisexual to the public yet, but he had to his parents. His mother, who was a more liberal and understanding person, had given him a hug and simply didn't take it any further. His father, however, with whom Chris had spent every weekend fishing; with whom he had watched the whole Star Trek: The Original Series three times over; who was his closest friend - his father had said nothing, had looked away, and had never talked to Chris since. Zach's father had died when he was seven, and all kinds of things happen in a child's development from the lack of one parent. Zach had lost a father figure, and it was possible that he just needed one now.

"Don't get my father mixed up in this," Zach growled, catching Chris' implication.

"There's only so much that I can take," Chris tried to explain. "I'm fucking exhausted. As soon as you realize that those fuckers can't fix you, the sooner I'll feel as though I can trust you. I'm sorry, I can't do this."

With that, Chris turned away and left the flat. He couldn't remain in the place that smelled of Zach and all that he was, with his rough sex and passionate kisses and gentle hands and ridiculous impromptu games and stupid taste in modern pop music and his cheesy poetry in iambic pentameter, and remain mad at him for doing this.

"Chris, wait," Zach called from the flat, but Chris didn't turn around. "Chris! Fuck."

~

The silence of the books that surround Chris on all sides of him is like its own melody, quieting his thoughts with the peace that it offered his mind. Chris bathed in it, refusing to think of Zach and of the way he would laugh not unkindly at him for cowering in the corner of a library, taking deep breaths and breathing in the smell of work books to calm himself.

Like Chris knew he would, Zach came in ten minutes later to find Chris lying on his back amidst two aisles in the back of the library.

"I knew I'd find you here," he said, settling down to sit next to Chris. "So, how's the thylacine?"

"Still extinct."

"I don't want us to become thylacine. When will you learn to trust me? I'm not perfect. Neither are you. You know, we're all a little fucked up, one way or another. I look for pathetic validation from men, because I'm insecure, which you didn't have to be so harsh about, by the way. And it's not a button. I can't just become this perfect boyfriend in a breath, anytime. If you're growing impatient, I can't change that. You know how patient I am about the shit you put me through."

"I'm a pretty sensitive girl, aren't I?" Chris asked with a self-deprecating smirk.

"I don't mind it," Zach said, placing his hand on Chris' thigh. "Too much."

"I'm sorry," Chris muttered, embarrassed at indeed being, at least partially, a crybaby that he always feared being.

Zach stood, offering Chris his hand. "Can I have this dance?"

"We don't even have any music," Chris said, nevertheless letting Zach pull him up onto his feet.

"Shh," Zach soothed him, taking Chris hand and wrapping his other arm around Chris' waist, swaying them slightly. "Just imagine Clair du Lune playing through the books."

"How did you know I love that piece?" Chris asked, pulling back to gape at Zach.

"Give me some credit, at least," Zach waved him off, rolling his eyes and pulling Chris closer in.

Chris sighed quietly, expelling with the breath the last of his irritation and hurt. Their situation wasn't the best. They still had their differences to get over, but at least they had many months ahead of them to help each other through. It was the little things, like the dance with the silence of books but a quiet piano melody flowing through their ears that would make it all worth it.

"You are kind of perfect," Chris admitted.

"Oh, stop," Zach scoffed. But after a moment, with a smile: "Go on?"